Subconsciously, we have become a people that crave validation, but do we need external validation? When do we move from need to addiction? Join me to see what validation is and what it does.
Let’s define what validation is.
DEFINITION OF VALIDATION
Validation is an endorsement of an action or a person. It is what usually makes a person seem trustworthy and credible, or even recognized as an authority. It could come in the form of praise, it could be mentioning your name and what you do to others, or mentioning what you’ve done for them that pleased them, made them grateful, it could also be hype. Oh, and did I mention that receiving monetary gifts can also be a form of validation for some? That payment we receive for what we did can make us feel validated.
More often than not, it’s this validation that gives us a sense of worth, a sense of satisfaction, of fulfillment.
In present times, external validation has begun to look like a need. Many things some of us do are centred around this validation. It’s the reason why we build visibility, why we go to certain places, why we do certain things, speak to certain people. Without knowing, we have become dependent on external validation. This… is a harmful dependence.
WHY WE SEEK VALIDATION
More like, why do we crave validation? Why do we seem to need external validation?
✴️ It makes us feel seen: when people validate us, it’s like we are in the spotlight. It’s like we’re announced, that others are seeing what we’ve done.
✴️ There’s a feeling of recognition: it makes us feel that what we’re doing or what we have done is worthwhile.
✴️ We are motivated to keep going: it’s usually a force that just pushes us forward, especially in moments of self doubt.
WHEN VALIDATION IS A NEED
At times we need validation to vet our work. For instance, if we’re starting something for the first time, and there’s someone experienced in the field, we would need to show them our work, and have them go through it, correct and guide us till we get it right. When the work is validated, it means that what we’ve done is okay.
In cases like this, there’s nothing wrong with validation. But if not properly checked, we can become addicted to validation. And that addiction is harmful. So when does validation become an addiction? Let’s find out.
VWHEN VALIDATION IS AN ADDICTION
Validation becomes an addiction when;
🛑 We can’t get a reason to do something, it’s always someone’s validation we seek.
🛑 If there’s nobody to be impressed we don’t have any motivation, we are not inspired.
🛑 Every thing we do has no reason connected to us, to what we desire, to what we’re truly interested in.
🛑 We don’t even think of impact or influence (positively of course), our reason is always tied to getting a pat on the back, getting a praise or a hype. Nothing concrete.
🛑 When we are not proud of an achievement until person(s) commends us
🛑 It becomes an addiction when we don’t feel okay, we don’t think we’re normal, because for a while nobody has “recognized” our deeds.
🛑 When we begin to think that we’re probably not enough, losing our sense of worth over not receiving any form of validation from the outside world.
At this point, we have a reduced personal sense of worth. It’s become hinged to people. We only feel worthy when people make us feel so, we think we are enough when people make it seem like it. So when there’s no one in the equation, we begin to doubt ourselves. We question our abilities, question who we are. It’s not the best place to be, trust me.
I’ll tell you a story. A friend prepared for a presentation, guess what? She discarded it at the last moment. Why? Nobody told her that her work was perfect. Her work was discarded because nobody praised it. Imagine the effort that she had put into it, all that thrown away without a second thought. Guess what? That presentation of hers was lovely, but she couldn’t see it because no one commended her work. That’s how bad it gets when we become addicted to external validation.
BECOMING FREE FROM VALIDATION ADDICTION
Let’s get back our sense of worth through words of affirmation repeated till they become our reality. Everyday, we tell ourselves;
✔️We are enough
✔️We are capable
✔️We don’t live for validation
✔️Our fulfillment doesn’t come from man
Our sense of worth comes from knowing who we are and what we stand for.
It sounds cliche but when you keep repeating affirmative words to yourself, your psyche changes, your mind welcomes it, and you begin to live it out. Our words are so powerful. People commit suicide because of a person’s words, so if words can kill a person, why can’t it give life?
Whatever you want to do, sit down and ask, why do I want to do this? If your answer still holds unto external validation, pause, put it on hold.
Because real fulfillment actually comes from within.
We have an even bigger advantage, the HOLY GHOST. When we know that we are GOD’S children, your identity is secured. The validation of men pale in comparison.
Share to someone else that needs to see this, let’s break free from the validation addiction chain.