THE PAST I WANT TO FORGET

Episode 2

Once they were done, Carla, whose heart was really beating fast, hurried to pack the plates and head straight for her room. She planned to lock herself inside. As she ate, she imagined herself doing that, and it had been done flawlessly in her head, but in reality, Clara was not going to let her off the hook easily, so before she could leave, Clara said, “what happened yesterday? What was all that?” With a raised voice, she told Carla, “Start talking, NOW”.

The dreaded moment had come for Carla, she desperately wanted to run away, she was becoming very anxious, and before long, she was on the floor holding her chest in pain, struggling to breathe, an alarmed Clara rushed to her side, placing her on her laps, and using her free hand to call their personal doctor, Dr. Carlos to come over to the house. Now, Clara was beginning to feel guilty, fearing that she might have triggered another bout of attack when Carla seemed just fine already, so she held everything in, waiting for the doctor’s arrival. She kept calling the doctor at very short intervals, questioning why it was taking long, almost yelling on the phone. It wasn’t that long, just that to Clara it seemed like forever. She was really having a hard time getting Carla back to normal.

Carla seemed to be getting worse with each passing minute; the pain seemed to be more intense, her heart still beating really fast, even her breathing felt like she had just finished a race, she kept producing so much sweat and Clara was becoming frantic, she had been trying to get Carla to calm down, but she herself wasn’t even calm so how could she calm someone else? She was scared and confused, feeling a whirlwind of mixed emotions. She hadn’t slept well last night, hadn’t eaten well this morning, and now this. Finally, the doctor came in. One look at Clara, and he could tell from Clara’s face that she was exhausted. He instructed her to lie on the couch as he took Carla away from her, calming her down himself before examining her.

Clara laid down there, watching really closely and answering Dr. Carlos questions about the first time it happened, and what must have triggered it. Minutes later, the doctor was done checking Carla, he told Clara that what happened to her friend was a panic attack, and it had nothing to do with any physical ailment, adding though, that Carla be given space and allowed to rest. He packed his things to leave, promising to come back the next day with a clinical psychologist who was his colleague at the hospital. Clara just nodded. Since Carla needed space, Clara silently got up, took the plates that had been left on the dining table, and washed them. Still, before leaving, she asked Carla if she needed help with anything, after confirming that there was nothing, she headed upstairs to sleep. She really needed that sleep, and no matter what, she had to make herself sleep.

Pushing the thoughts of Carla and every other thing out, she closed her eyes.Carla, alone downstairs, was struggling with the flashbacks of memories she had struggled to push to the back of her mind. Everything seemed to be coming back, but she was fighting to be calm, to be okay, she was fighting back tears, she couldn’t cry, no, not again, she was way past that. And… the tears didn’t drop, she made sure of it. Clearly, the incident had awoken something that had died, or so she thought. To distract herself, she got a comic book from the shelf and fell asleep reading it. Clara woke up towards evening, feeling a bit more energetic. The first thing she did was to call the woman whose contact she collected earlier in the day. The woman, Mrs Cordelia, picked up after the third ring. Apparently, she was the only one left with the girl, and had taken the chance to get a nap when she saw that the girl had slept off.

Clara asked Mrs Cordelia about her welfare, and then went straight to ask about the girl, and Mrs Cordelia let her know that the girl slept off an hour before. What Clara wanted was details, so she asked about the entire events that had happened from the moment the girl was taken to the hospital and if any family member had called. Mrs Cordelia informed her that the doctor had put the girl on IV drip, after being tested for HIV and any other sexually transmitted disease. She had begun HIV Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP), emergency contraception, STI Prophylaxis treatment just in case. The girl had woken up sometime later looking around fearfully, and began to shiver uncontrollably, her entire body shaking with intensity. They had to call in the doctor who began to speak reassuring words, promising her that she was safe at the hospital and nothing would happen to her. He changed her drip, and asked that they don’t leave her alone.

Mrs Cordelia and the other woman approached slowly as the girl eyed them cautiously, as they reached out to touch her she flinched, but then she looked up at them and carefully brought out her hand so they could hold her. Together, they gently coaxed her and before long the girl began to feel drowsy and went to sleep, the other woman too stood up and said she had to handle some things, and that when she was back Mrs Cordelia could go home too. They had not been able to reach her family yet. Clara nodded at her end, listening to the details, then asked, “so you couldn’t get her name?” “She hasn’t talked since, not even a word. The doctor said she’s in shock and that she would go for therapy immediately after the clinical treatment.” Mrs Cordelia answered. She thanked the woman, asked that she send the bills to her so she could pay, Mrs Cordelia asked her not to worry that a good Samaritan had done that already. Clara thought to herself, “good Samaritan?”

Mrs Cordelia wasn’t willing to provide more details, so she had to back down, but still requested for her account details so she could send some money for necessities. “She’s waking up now, I need to go” was what Mrs Cordelia had responded, and hurriedly ended the call. She really worried for the girl and she was closely observing her for any changes, that’s why immediately the girl woke up, she cut the call. She didn’t hear Clara’s last statement. Clara looked at her phone for a moment, before tossing it aside, and burying her head in her palm. Everything was happening so fast, she hadn’t even had time to process everything. Thankfully, the staff could get some work done, even in their absence. It wasn’t the first time that Carla and Clara would not be coming to work, but that was when they had to travel or attend other engagements, never because one of them was unstable as Carla was now. She sighed again and looked up, telling herself to be strong for both of them.

She went downstairs to check on Carla, and found her sleeping with the book she was reading, so she picked up the book just as it was slipping through Carla’s hands, and placed it gently on the shelf. She went to the fridge to take some cookies, she didn’t really have an appetite but she knew she had to fill her belly so she wouldn’t break down too.

As she ate she began to recall the events of the previous day that had led up to this, what they had witnessed and Carla’s reaction. With a look of realization mixed with horror, she seemed to have pieced something together as she looked at the sleeping Carla wide-eyed. It can’t be, no it can’t, she whispered to herself. She was just being paranoid, yeah that had to be it, but was she really?

THE PAST I WANT TO FORGET

Episode 1

Carla and Clara had been friends since primary school. They practically grew up together and with each other. Carla has always been calm but with very strong opinions whereas Clara was more outspoken yet she never had those strong opinions on issues. She would rather avoid it than get involved in something controversial. She wouldn’t even think of it. Typical example of ‘opposites attract’. You could call them sisters. They had never been separated from when they became friends till now that they had become young business women.

Towards the end of their undergraduate days, Carla had told Clara that she didn’t feel like going for a white collar job after school. At first, Clara went, “what? So what happens to our degree in Law? Carla shrugged and said, “we would probably use it to protect our business legally”. It took a bit of convincing, Carla began to paint a picture of what she had in mind, the future of freedom she envisaged for both of them, and on and on, then suddenly as if awaking from a trance, with eyes lit up, and a rush of excitement, Clara shouted, “let’s get to work!” She had caught on. And that was the beginning of C & C Pastries.

However, despite their closeness, there was a secret that Clara didn’t know about Carla. It had happened before they met, and Carla had been trying to suppress that memory in her head, it wasn’t exactly something she could bring herself to say out loud to anybody. It remained buried inside of her, showing up in unexpected situations. No one, not even Carla’s parents knew, it was that deep. If only she could stop running away from it, she would have been able to say it out and gotten the needed help. It was one reason she initially wanted to be a lawyer along the line. But the struggle to erase that memory from her mind, and pretend it was a dream, made her develop cold feet at some point in the University. That bad memory made her react strongly to certain things (those reactions however, had never been witnessed by her family nor Clara) and it made her feel like she was losing her mind. She just couldn’t find it in her to practice law any longer. Starting a business was not a bad idea, but it was some sort of escape for Carla. The reason she had brought up the idea of starting a business was to run away from the past she wanted gone, she wanted so desperately to pretend that everything was a dream. She was really good at hiding everything whenever she was with Clara or her family, so nobody suspected a thing.

One Friday evening, after the day’s job was done, as was the usual custom, Carla packed up her things and went to get Clara from the adjacent office so they could go home(they lived in the same house). As they stepped out, Carla began to hear muffled sounds, and immediately alerted her friend who turned towards the direction of the sound and before Carla could say anything she was already being dragged by Clara towards that place. Carla had become scared, but Clara was having none of it(quite unusual for the nonconfrontational Clara, but she just couldn’t rest easy otherwise), they had to check what was happening, it was close to their office so they had to find out. They got to the back of the building and hid behind a wall, and what they saw shocked them to the bones. It was the most gruesome thing they’d come across. They gasped, putting their hands to their mouths, so their voices were not heard.

A girl was gagged, tied up, as she was gang-raped by a group of youngsters, there seemed to be up to 6 of them. She was in visible pain, lying there helplessly as they took their turns on her, she couldn’t even struggle. Carla began to have laboured breathing, with severe chest pain and began to break out in sweat, her trauma had just been triggered. Clara was torn between calling for help for the girl, and helping Carla. So she tried calming Carla down, trying not to make any noise that would alert the attackers. She picked up her phone, called some guys she knew, urging them to come quickly, and rescue the girl. They came within minutes with some women who had tagged along, apprehended the guys and saved the girl, who was now very weak, unable to stand up by herself. Now, Clara could fully focus on her friend. After what seemed like hours, she was finally able to take Carla to the car, tried contacting an NGO, to take up the girl’s case, before driving out of the office premises to their house. So much for one evening. She wanted to take Carla to see a doctor but Carla kept insisting that she was fine, so she just let her be, helped her shower, and put her to bed, sleeping next to her because she was worried.However, the night was going to be a really long one because Carla suddenly shouted in her sleep, waking Clara up with a start. She turned to see her best friend soaked in sweat, tears streaming down her cheeks while her eyes remained closed. So she cuddled her, whispering words of comfort, praying for her till she was able to sleep off. Even then, Clara couldn’t sleep soundly, she became even more alert. She was only able to fall asleep by 5:00am in the morning. Truth is she was already exhausted, but she couldn’t get herself to sleep seeing her best friend in that state. It truly surprised her to see Carla like this, she had never witnessed this side of her for as long as she could remember.As the sun rose, Clara woke up with a start, remembering the incidents of the previous evening. Top on her mind was her friend, she needed to make sure she was fine, so she rushed downstairs, and met her in the kitchen making breakfast. She stood by the kitchen door, watching this friend of hers who was very strange the previous night, but was now back to normal like nothing had happened, wondering if everything was a dream, but the memories were too vivid to have been a dream. “How come I never noticed that you could be up early on Saturday morning to cook?” Carla was startled by those words, and turned around to see her friend by the door. She hadn’t noticed that someone was there. In response, she smiled and said, “good morning to you too. I’m sorry about last night, maybe you should go get some more sleep, you have dark circles. I’m really sorry, it’s my fault.” Meanwhile, Clara was calculating in her mind when to start the conversation (about last night’s behaviour) with Carla because she needed answers, however, her mind went out to the girl that was rescued last night, so she decided to check on the girl first, then come back to Carla.

She excused herself, and went to make a phone call. She was told that the girl was taken to “Life hospital,” and two of the women that tagged along on the rescue mission were currently looking after her. She requested for the contact of one of the women, offered to foot the bills, and cut the call. It was time to face Carla now. She took in a deep breath, then exhaled and turned to go back to the kitchen. At this time, the food was ready and Carla was already setting the table. She joined Carla to set the table quietly. The quietness was unusual for friends that were always chatty around each other. Each of them were lost in thought – Clara was thinking about how to start the conversation, Carla was hoping the conversation would not happen. She knew her friend had questions, and she was thinking up ways to avoid the conversation. For years she had hidden this secret, she didn’t think she was ready to talk about it now. Soon they began helping themselves to little servings of jollof rice & beef, with fried plantains. None of them ate much, and they ate in silence. Something they never did before.

HOW SOCIAL MEDIA CONTROLS OUR THOUGHTS AND MAKES DECISIONS FOR US

In 2016, I met my best friend for the first time. In 2016, I entered a new phase. 2016 was my best year – whether it’s true or not, let’s just follow the trend. According to social media posts, people are missing 2016, so let me join too and say something I miss about 2016. The person may not even remember anything about 2016 ooh. See how social media controls us? There’s still more.

I’ve just been seeing the 2016 throwback pictures trend on social media with people saying what 2016 was for them, and some using the tagline “2026 is the new 2016”.

I’m guessing that not all of us may agree with it, but we would go ahead and use it in our posts anyway because many people are using it. We agree online because people are already supporting it. Most times we don’t make decisions on our own. We think we do, but we don’t. Our decisions are not from us, they are from the majority.

You know how you wake up, and you have a list of things you want to do, or there are things you’ve decided not to do, and somewhere along the way, you see people talking about those things, doing those things, you will now join them? That’s how it is with social media. In fact, it’s even more with social media because people wey dey there, plenty.

Before you argue, close your eyes for a minute, and try to recall all the times you changed your mind to go with the “flow”, the times you shifted your schedule, your plans, the times you changed your mindset within seconds, so that you will not be odd. Make e no be like say you no follow.

We have those moments. Not many people really like to be odd, or not belong.

I think this way about something, I start talking with people, and all of them have another thought different from mine. At that point, what we do 99.9% of the time is to keep quiet about what we think, or even change our mind so all of us will “agree”.

I’m not saying that everytime you change your mind to agree with others it’s bad, no, sometimes we are wrong, and when we see or hear the right thing, we should take it. It’s part of learning.

What I’m talking about is something that you don’t like or are not comfortable with, or you’ve never thought of, and then you see people doing that thing or hear people talk about that thing – it then begins to get your attention.

A lot of times we don’t really look inside us to see if this thing is actually okay with you. Some of us now, if they ask you what you like, what you stand for, what you cannot do, even what you believe, we don’t know.

Let’s look at the throwback picture trend again; if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that the reason you posted your own pictures is because it’s trending, because many people are doing it, maybe because we saw famous people join. Not that you planned it. Not that it has been on your mind. That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

This is in line with what research says. Semra Gunduc in his research report explained that the way social media networks work means that many people reposting a trend can bring many others into agreement even if they weren’t thinking about it deeply at first.

Our opinions, our actions and even reactions to things, are shaped by social media. We go to social media for almost everything we need.

That’s also how many of us join discussions that we don’t know how it started. They are dragging someone online, we join without knowing the full story. Many people are supporting something, we join, and we don’t know what the thing is really about.

There is something that we normally do. Before we comment on any post, we look at the comment section to know what people are saying, we look at the number of reactions – likes, shares. By the time we are done, our original thought or opinion is gone.

We see something on social media, and we believe it, and start sharing. Because the person that posted it is shouting, “share this video”, you start sharing, most times without considering if that post or video is worth sharing. We don’t know how true it is, but for many of us, once it’s on social media, we take it.

Many times, people are just posting what they think and how they feel, not facts. You must not think and feel like them. We need to be able to weigh what we take from social media.

Taking everything you see there is a problem because we stop being ourselves. It’s a problem because we can go around spreading false information and they can be dangerous.

Results from PUBMED research shows that false information on health is high on social media. Smoking, drugs, and other health related issues have so much false information on Twitter, and on other social media. See what we’re talking about?

The first step is to be aware.

Now we know that this happens to us on social media, and we have accepted that it is true. We are conscious of it now.

The next step is to begin to protect ourselves.

Anytime a challenge on social media goes viral, pause and think about it first to be sure. Anytime somebody posts something, and there are likes, shares, comments that are in support, wait first, and ask questions. Who is this person? Are they trustworthy? What’s the full story? Don’t just join. Don’t just agree.

Before you tap share, before you like, before you use the information, ask yourself:Is this really my opinion, or is it just loud? Is this information correct? Is this the right person to give this kind of information?

I think it’s not too late to say happy new year

VALIDATION: THE LINE BETWEEN NEED AND ADDICTION

Subconsciously, we have become a people that crave validation, but do we need external validation? When do we move from need to addiction? Join me to see what validation is and what it does.

Let’s define what validation is.

DEFINITION OF VALIDATION

Validation is an endorsement of an action or a person. It is what usually makes a person seem trustworthy and credible, or even recognized as an authority. It could come in the form of praise, it could be mentioning your name and what you do to others, or mentioning what you’ve done for them that pleased them, made them grateful, it could also be hype. Oh, and did I mention that receiving monetary gifts can also be a form of validation for some? That payment we receive for what we did can make us feel validated.

More often than not, it’s this validation that gives us a sense of worth, a sense of satisfaction, of fulfillment.

In present times, external validation has begun to look like a need. Many things some of us do are centred around this validation. It’s the reason why we build visibility, why we go to certain places, why we do certain things, speak to certain people. Without knowing, we have become dependent on external validation. This… is a harmful dependence.

WHY WE SEEK VALIDATION

More like, why do we crave validation? Why do we seem to need external validation?

✴️ It makes us feel seen: when people validate us, it’s like we are in the spotlight. It’s like we’re announced, that others are seeing what we’ve done.

✴️ There’s a feeling of recognition: it makes us feel that what we’re doing or what we have done is worthwhile.

✴️ We are motivated to keep going: it’s usually a force that just pushes us forward, especially in moments of self doubt.

WHEN VALIDATION IS A NEED

At times we need validation to vet our work. For instance, if we’re starting something for the first time, and there’s someone experienced in the field, we would need to show them our work, and have them go through it, correct and guide us till we get it right. When the work is validated, it means that what we’ve done is okay.

In cases like this, there’s nothing wrong with validation. But if not properly checked, we can become addicted to validation. And that addiction is harmful. So when does validation become an addiction? Let’s find out.

VWHEN VALIDATION IS AN ADDICTION

Validation becomes an addiction when;

🛑 We can’t get a reason to do something, it’s always someone’s validation we seek.

🛑 If there’s nobody to be impressed we don’t have any motivation, we are not inspired.

🛑 Every thing we do has no reason connected to us, to what we desire, to what we’re truly interested in.

🛑 We don’t even think of impact or influence (positively of course), our reason is always tied to getting a pat on the back, getting a praise or a hype. Nothing concrete.

🛑 When we are not proud of an achievement until person(s) commends us

🛑 It becomes an addiction when we don’t feel okay, we don’t think we’re normal, because for a while nobody has “recognized” our deeds.

🛑 When we begin to think that we’re probably not enough, losing our sense of worth over not receiving any form of validation from the outside world.

At this point, we have a reduced personal sense of worth. It’s become hinged to people. We only feel worthy when people make us feel so, we think we are enough when people make it seem like it. So when there’s no one in the equation, we begin to doubt ourselves. We question our abilities, question who we are. It’s not the best place to be, trust me.

I’ll tell you a story. A friend prepared for a presentation, guess what? She discarded it at the last moment. Why? Nobody told her that her work was perfect. Her work was discarded because nobody praised it. Imagine the effort that she had put into it, all that thrown away without a second thought. Guess what? That presentation of hers was lovely, but she couldn’t see it because no one commended her work. That’s how bad it gets when we become addicted to external validation.

BECOMING FREE FROM VALIDATION ADDICTION

Let’s get back our sense of worth through words of affirmation repeated till they become our reality. Everyday, we tell ourselves;

✔️We are enough

✔️We are capable

✔️We don’t live for validation

✔️Our fulfillment doesn’t come from man

Our sense of worth comes from knowing who we are and what we stand for.

It sounds cliche but when you keep repeating affirmative words to yourself, your psyche changes, your mind welcomes it, and you begin to live it out. Our words are so powerful. People commit suicide because of a person’s words, so if words can kill a person, why can’t it give life?

Whatever you want to do, sit down and ask, why do I want to do this? If your answer still holds unto external validation, pause, put it on hold.

Because real fulfillment actually comes from within.

We have an even bigger advantage, the HOLY GHOST. When we know that we are GOD’S children, your identity is secured. The validation of men pale in comparison.

Share to someone else that needs to see this, let’s break free from the validation addiction chain.

WHAT IS THE PLACE OF PARENTING IN EDUCATION?

Maybe we should redefine what we assume education is. It’s quite disheartening to see that people think going to school is education. It’s not merely that. People attend schools and still come out uneducated. Education is more than just going to school.

Google tells us that “the origin of the word ‘education’ is from the Latin root educare. ‘Educare’ means ‘to lead out or bring forth’. It implies that through organized questions knowledge, understanding and the potential of children have to be brought out.”

According to Jaypee digital.com, “Education is a systematic process through which a child or an adult acquires knowledge, experience, skill and sound attitude. From the origin of the word ‘education’, we can see that to educate is to guide an individual into becoming, realizing his/her full potentials. The definition following after, adds that knowledge , experience and skill have to be acquired before we can say a person is educated.

Education is the development of the mind of an individual, and the revelation of their innate capacities for solutions provision. These are things we should look out for before we can say education is or has taken place. Education goes beyond teaching, it is coaching, training, mentoring. We seem to be leaving our children in the hands of the teachers because we believe that education of children is for the teachers to do. We’ve never really thought about the meaning of education, so I get.

But, it’s high time we dealt with this because it’s a dangerous thing. It means that you are not part of the development of that child, and the results show in different ways. The fact that they spend more time in school than with you should give you a sense of urgency. It’s even more dangerous now that social media is also teaching them. Yes! Every time spent on social media, is education. Something is shifting in their minds, that’s why they pick up whatever they see.

Now, what should parents do? To start with, from conception, you should speak whatever you want to see in your child, that’s where they begin to be shaped, yes, your words are that powerful. What does this have to do with education, you ask? Education deals with systematic acquisition of knowledge, skills, experience, ultimately guiding him to becoming the best version of himself. The goal of education is to bring out what they have inside of them, to help nurture it.

When you are pregnant with your child, it is important to make positive affirmations on that child before they come, so the process of educating the child will be easier. You could call them solution providers, pacesetters etc. So from the womb, you’re already channeling them, they are feeling it, of course you have to continue after birth.When these children are born, you monitor closely for their traits. By the time they begin to make simple sentences, their behavior begins to show. This is the age of discovery. Parents should be very watchful from this point to pick up on the various characters that are shown. From their traits you have ideas of what they will become. This is also where you start educating them, they are not too young.

Let’s establish the fact that education of children starts in the home, not at school.

Based on their traits, you guide them properly. For instance, there are children that always want to flip through the pages of books even when they cannot read the words. Once you notice it, you begin to guide them in that direction; check what books particularly catch their interests, and make them available, take them to the library to see different genres of books, and be attentive to the books that draw their attention.

You can read the books aloud, using imagination to paint vivid pictures regardless of whether they are fiction or nonfiction. Whatever you notice in your child; always curious and never backing down, loves to try out things/experiment with things even when others seem convinced, etc, should all be nurtured. Make it grow, and grow and grow with proper guidance. Don’t quench it. A lot of parents make this mistake. When you do so, you’ve begun to tamper with their original selves, their identity, their core is reshaped. They begin to move from who they really are.

When you discover what exactly your children love, their interests, you’ll the able to place them on the right path. By the time they are going into the higher institutions, they are very clear on what they want.

What next? We help them gain the knowledge, by providing the right resources for them. We also enable them get the skills needed for the field they are venturing into. What skills are needed? Where do they need to go to acquire these skills? What resources do they need? These are questions that we will need to answer, to act accordingly.

We place them in challenging situations, situations that will take them out of their comfort zone, to help build their experience. Using the same instance on reading, when they have gotten comfortable with a particular text, give them a higher one(of course still within their interest), and make them review, explain, summarize and give their personal opinion, on the texts. Regardless of whatever category of books.

Children should be able to give their personal opinions on textbooks, not just literature, and it starts from the home. Empowered them from the home. The goal is to make them independent, critical, creative thinkers, armed to identify problems, and provide solutions. It’s only then that we can say that we have educated people.

This also brings me to something else that is crucial; forcing our children to live our dreams for us. The dreams we had but couldn’t attain at some point, is not a legacy for our children to carry on. Let’s not force them into something, just to boost our ego, or to give us a false sense of satisfaction. False because your dream is always your dream, and the satisfaction you get from achieving your dream yourself, is not comparable with your child getting it. Matter of fact, you’re never too old to go for your dreams. Your children are their own beings not an extension of you. Yes, they are your offspring, but still humans themselves. People with emotions like us, with thoughts like us, with aspirations, like us. We may not realize it, but we are ruining them by making them fulfil our dreams for us.

Sometimes, we think our children are not intelligent. No! They are not functioning where they are meant to function. We have probably pushed them into what we think is best for them. Additionally, let’s not damage our children by giving them phones. It’s almost a norm to see children with phones. Their lives have not started yet, and it’s being damaged. When a baby is crying, please the remedy should not be a phone. Having children use ipads at home is so not right. Children are developing dependency on phones, they are getting addicted to phones. It’s so alarming! Please keep them busy, but not with phones. Whether you censor what they do or not, it doesn’t matter, the damage is going on either ways. Prolonged exposure to phone reduce the attention span of the users as the days go back, how do we educate a generation with short attention span? Medically, there is something called nomophobia(no mobile phone phobia): This means that someone is afraid of being without a smartphone. Children are already going through nomophobia. What kind of children are we raising?

Parents please let’s turn this around. We can’t be the ones destroying our children.As parents, we should not enable examination malpractice of any kind: paying for special centers where exams would be written for them, bribing teachers to provide answers to questions, etc. Train your children to be confident, in addition to the aforementioned, and you’ll see them soar. The foundation we lay in the home is what they’ll build on throughout their lives. Let’s not do this.

This is where we fit into the equation. We have such a critical role, the education of our children cannot be left to schools, we mold these destinies, so we had better take on our role. We should know our children from cradle, and guide the steering appropriately.

Let’s not create a vacuum and expect the teachers to fill in, you’ll lose your children that way. Even if you have started on the wrong foot, you can re-right the wrongs. There’s still a chance to discover them, even if they’re in secondary school already.

Right now, we need a generation that can think independently, a generation that has strong confidence, a generation that cannot be silenced, a generation that is proactive, an enlightened generation, a generation of solution providers, a bold generation, and education is still the key. When we educate our children, we arm them with the above, and more. We have just been doing it wrongly. We cannot keep repeating the same mistakes, don’t you think?

Parents, let’s rise to the occasion. Let us redefine what education has been assumed to be, in our time. Let us right the wrongs. Let us begin to educate our children. Let’s work with a sense of urgency, there’s no time. The change will begin with us. Let’s help our children become.

Ultimately, the Holy spirit is available to guide us aright. Especially for those that are start “late”.

GRATITUDE: A MEANS OF GETTING BLESSINGS FROM GOD?

We may not have realized it yet, but it’s seeping through to the surface. I have seen videos (skits), movies with the message of gratitude. The narrative being pushed? We all know it. ” When you come before GOD, instead of complaining and asking for things you’re still believing for, praise GOD, appreciate HIM and then HE will bless you”. It’s been sinking in, I myself too found myself caught up in it.

Let me tell you what this has done and is doing to us, it’s made us not truly worship. If we sincerely look deeper, we will realize that with each praise, each show of gratitude to our Maker, we are expecting something, double promotion, double miracle, name them, things probably more than what we even think. I mean, when you praise GOD HE stands up from HIS throne right? We force HIS hand to move, isn’t it? So when we try to praise, we hope to force HIM to do something for us.

Well, how about praising HIM and not getting anything? Have we thought of that? Maybe the thought has crept in, and we silenced it, binding and casting every “evil voice”

We really need to come to a place of genuine thanksgiving. Thanksgiving for life, for JESUS, for the blood that HE shed, for every good thing HE has given to you. The scripture tells us that every good and perfect thing is from the LORD, how about appreciating HIM for that? The Psalmist says, my soul forget not HIS benefits. When you begin to see just how good HE has been, you’ll find yourself bursting out I’m praise without thinking of your request.

Am I saying don’t make requests? No. 🙉 I’m saying we should not use our praise as a means of exchange, let our praise not be transactional. Yes, we may have been doing it subconsciously because of what our mind has been fed with (this is the power of media), but we’ve become conscious now, so let’s begin to refeed our minds. The scripture is the perfect tool to begin with.

Let’s praise with reckless abandon. Let’s praise not expecting anything in return. Let’s praise because HE is GOD and we reverence HIM. This is the true praise, one from the depths of our soul. Let’s make praise a lifestyle.

IS MARRIAGE BEFORE SEX NO LONGER POSSIBLE?

Have we really gotten to the point where marriage without sex seems beyond reach? You can’t court without sex anymore?

They used to say, abi I’ve heard people say they were told that they must have sex before they get married, were shamed for keeping pure, read people’s experience or in books. I remember always thinking to myself that if they had godly, like-minded friends, they won’t hear such statements. Then I heard more, and I knew that sometimes these people are not really friends but they’re around you, like roommates, course mates, colleagues in the workplace.

Never in this life would I have thought that I’d hear something like that personally. It never occurred to me that I would hear this directly, that I would have a personal experience. No! But I realized something.

There are so many people who don’t believe that you can have a pure relationship before marriage.They don’t know or perhaps don’t want to agree that sex is not used to show love and commitment before marriage. Everything seems to revolve around sex in today’s world. Nobody is thinking about Christ, there are no christian values anymore. What is happening to us?

A premarital relationship built on sex is not a strong , healthy relationship. If there’s no money, and there’s no sex, the cracks begin to show, the relationship becomes rocky 🌊.

Relationships are built on values, principles, whether platonic or romantic. When everything is about sex, how do you plan for your home? How do you partner to bring great things to life? Isn’t it what marriage should be? Partnership, companionship, and companionship is not sex, no! Does sex take away loneliness? It can’t. Our minds have become twisted. Since we began to welcome sex before marriage, we’ve been having divorce cases that never seem to end, yet we’re not asking questions? Once something isn’t positively productive, shouldn’t we ask questions? Shouldn’t we shift? What’s going on?!

We think sex is what keeps a partner. When you eventually get married, you’ll find out that no matter how much sex you have with your spouse, it won’t stop them from cheating if they are already loose. When people get married and accuse their partners of cheating (which is one of the leading causes of divorce), check, they were probably having sex before tying the knot. This is just one issue, there are others. Issues like this can be spotted before marriage, but they’re having sex already, what’s the point?

Once sex comes into the equation, guess what happens, we lose our sense of reasoning. The important questions we should ask, we don’t ask. Red flags are ignored. Traits we should look out for, escape us. Then you enter the marriage, and you realize that you can’t deal, then you hop out to file for a divorce. And we keep going on like this. I’m not saying that people who kept themselves before marriage don’t divorce. Once you don’t choose right (through the help of the HOLY SPIRIT), one party or both parties don’t act right, divorce is usually looming over them.

However, we can’t deny the fact that is staring us in the eye. That welcoming sex before marriage has brought disasters to homes. What do we listen to? What do we watch? We don’t censor and we don’t filter anymore. Once we see it on our screens, it looks acceptable. Do we have to keep destroying ourselves?

Sex before marriage has never and can never be the right way. We can never have homes functioning optimally, born from sex before marriage. The word of GOD remains true. HEB 13:4

LET THE LOVE OF GOD SHINE IN OUR HEARTS

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. This scripture tells us that everything that we see, everything we act out is a product of the state of the heart. As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. This is another scripture buttressing the above statement.

So letting the love of GOD shine in our hearts means filling up our entire being with HIS love. When HIS love shines in our hearts, it shows in our day-to-day activities, in our daily interactions with others, HIS love shines through us to others.

How do we let HIS love shine through us? By spending time with HIM. How do we spend time with HIM? By daily reading the scriptures, meditating on them, praying to the FATHER in JESUS name. It sounds simple but we don’t do it. There’s so much hate in this present world, we can see 2 Timothy 3:1 manifesting and we can’t afford to be caught up with it even as christians. We need to show what true love is, not only in speech or words, but in deeds, in our actions. However, we can’t give what we don’t have. If we don’t have GOD’s love, we cannot give it, and that’s why we need to let HIS love be spread abroad in our hearts.

GOD is love, and to love we must know HIM, and knowing HIM is having intimate relationship with HIM. There’s no other way to build this relationship except through consistent study of the word (scriptures/bible) and prayer. You can never do too much of these. These times are wicked times, they are evil times. Times where christians need to be more visible than ever, and our visibility is shown through our love. We evangelize in love and with love(in love because that’s the sole reason for evangelism, we want to bring souls back to the FATHER, with love that when we are talking, they feel the love from our words, our hearts reach out to them in our speech). We see people in depression, in diverse states that is not normal, needing financial help, emotional support, help in whatever form, we give it to them in love. For GOD so loved the world that HE *gave* HIS only begotten son, that whosoever believes in HIM should not perish but have everlasting life. The message of CHRIST is summed up in love, right? It’s evident. CHRIST came because of the love of GOD. So we inevitably have to love, and we can’t love properly if it’s not the love of GOD shining in our hearts.

The love of GOD constrains us from saying certain things that can be hurtful, from doing things that are selfish, things that would not go well for the other person, from looking the other way at someone who needs help. It doesn’t matter what I say, if GOD’S love is not there, it won’t make meaning. HIS love in us makes it easy to love others. The commandments was summed up into two by our LORD JESUS CHRIST; Love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. See? It starts with loving GOD. Of course as a child of GOD, you will love yourself and love your neighbour as much as you love yourself. Our love for HIM grows as we fellowship with HIM(GOD).

If you have not received CHRIST as your LORD, it’s not too late to do that now. Close your eyes, speak to HIM to come and take full charge of your life, to help you love as HE has loved you. Remember, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out. Let’s talk in the comment section. The LORD help us to love. Shalom.

THE WORD IN OUR WORLD 🌎🌍 TODAY

Just a short one… The past days have really been something else. The hustle, the bustle here and there, reading the scriptures was almost a hassle (Thank GOD HE caught me). I’ve heard betimes, people saying that they’re too busy to read the bible. I kind of understand because I was almost there until I remembered that this cannot be traded for anything else. Yeah, we don’t have time to read the scriptures because there’s no space. This our world right now is really fast-paced. Likeeee

However, what we attach importance to, we create time for it. We honestly have no excuse for not reading the bible. When we recognize the significance of the word in our world today, we’ll not miss a day of reading the scriptures. The only reason why we don’t read the scriptures, claiming there’s no time is because it’s not important to us. I’m telling you. What you treasure, what you understand its value cannot be taken lightly and would have time mapped out for it, must. The word really needs to come alive in our hearts. Ahh!

BENEFITS OF THE WORD

The word illuminates our hearts and directs our paths. As a christian, when you read the scriptures first thing in the morning (this is me giving you a tip), you receive instructions for the day and strength for whatever it is you’d be doing that day.

You cannot pray amiss with the word. It’s a most effective way of praying. Praying with the word. Some of us struggle with our prayer life. What we don’t know is that you can be reading the scriptures and begin to pray from there. Prayer and bible study go together. We go about saying nobody can be perfect, all of us always sin. The word is what keeps us in check, as we read the word consistently it enters our soul and prevents us from sinning. That’s why we can call ourselves children of GOD. We have HIS word. If we do not, we aren’t christians honestly.

HE speaks to us through HIS word. It’s the primary way through which we connect with HIM.

P.S. We don’t read the bible as literature. Please always ask the HOLY SPIRIT for understanding before reading. It’s a game changer.

See you next time, byee.

SOCIAL MEDIA: IS LIFE AWAY FROM THE SPACE POSSIBLE?

Someone once told me that I should have been born in the 1950s because, how can I not be on all social media spaces? It’s a choice ooh. We all have choices to make and Joshua in the Josh. 24 when he was telling the children of Israel his last words, asked them to choose whom they would serve. Whatever eats most of your time, whatever you feel you can’t do without, has become what you serve whether you admit it or not. Did I say that you shouldn’t be on social media? No, except if you’re true to yourself, you know that you can’t really control your usage of social media. There’s so much on that space and you seriously need a break from all those atimes. Regulate the time spent there. I’ve seen a lot of people begin to question their solid principles, question the existence of GOD because they keep feeding from social media. What you constantly consume has the ability to change your psyche, change your habits, change you entirely as a person. How about we go back to the bible? Yes I know, some of us genuinely believe that the bible is just another book, but it’s not. How about you go and read it? Why don’t you tell GOD to prove HIMSELF to you? Ask HIM to reveal HIMSELF. You open the bible and look up to the heavens and ask for an understanding of the scriptures, ask for understanding of what you’re reading. I can tell you for free that answers to your questions are in the bible, I love to call it the word. If you seek HIM with all your heart, you’ll find HIM. Honestly, you won’t find HIM by scrolling through social media for the most part of your day.

Social media is a powerful tool that can be used positively and negatively. I find that the negativity is more rampant , probably not but it’s definitely very loud and catches people’s attention easily. If you don’t take time to detoxify, you’ll be so eaten up that you’ll begin to lose yourself without knowing, trust me. We don’t even realize what’s going on. So yeah, you can deactivate your account sometimes, uninstall the app sometimes, whatever works for you. I mean it’s no news that people have become mentally unstable because of social media, people have even lost their lives! Is it the false narratives on the soace? The cyber bullying? This isn’t fictional right? We hear these kinds of stuff. So I’m really just stating facts. It’s not a space for you to put spirit, soul and body. Look for something fun to do away from the screen, there’s a whole lot; swimming, playing ball, working on new ideas or concepts, taking walks(you can get inspired in the process), really take time to admire nature(another activity that can inspire), and study the word, pray. Close your eyes, talk to GOD, ask HIM those burning questions I’m your heart. You’ll feel renewed and rejuvenated afterwards. Thank me later. The real life is outside social media. Look around you, not in your screens.