Category: Relationships

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THE PAST I WANT TO FORGET

Episode 2

Once they were done, Carla, whose heart was really beating fast, hurried to pack the plates and head straight for her room. She planned to lock herself inside. As she ate, she imagined herself doing that, and it had been done flawlessly in her head, but in reality, Clara was not going to let her off the hook easily, so before she could leave, Clara said, “what happened yesterday? What was all that?” With a raised voice, she told Carla, “Start talking, NOW”.

The dreaded moment had come for Carla, she desperately wanted to run away, she was becoming very anxious, and before long, she was on the floor holding her chest in pain, struggling to breathe, an alarmed Clara rushed to her side, placing her on her laps, and using her free hand to call their personal doctor, Dr. Carlos to come over to the house. Now, Clara was beginning to feel guilty, fearing that she might have triggered another bout of attack when Carla seemed just fine already, so she held everything in, waiting for the doctor’s arrival. She kept calling the doctor at very short intervals, questioning why it was taking long, almost yelling on the phone. It wasn’t that long, just that to Clara it seemed like forever. She was really having a hard time getting Carla back to normal.

Carla seemed to be getting worse with each passing minute; the pain seemed to be more intense, her heart still beating really fast, even her breathing felt like she had just finished a race, she kept producing so much sweat and Clara was becoming frantic, she had been trying to get Carla to calm down, but she herself wasn’t even calm so how could she calm someone else? She was scared and confused, feeling a whirlwind of mixed emotions. She hadn’t slept well last night, hadn’t eaten well this morning, and now this. Finally, the doctor came in. One look at Clara, and he could tell from Clara’s face that she was exhausted. He instructed her to lie on the couch as he took Carla away from her, calming her down himself before examining her.

Clara laid down there, watching really closely and answering Dr. Carlos questions about the first time it happened, and what must have triggered it. Minutes later, the doctor was done checking Carla, he told Clara that what happened to her friend was a panic attack, and it had nothing to do with any physical ailment, adding though, that Carla be given space and allowed to rest. He packed his things to leave, promising to come back the next day with a clinical psychologist who was his colleague at the hospital. Clara just nodded. Since Carla needed space, Clara silently got up, took the plates that had been left on the dining table, and washed them. Still, before leaving, she asked Carla if she needed help with anything, after confirming that there was nothing, she headed upstairs to sleep. She really needed that sleep, and no matter what, she had to make herself sleep.

Pushing the thoughts of Carla and every other thing out, she closed her eyes.Carla, alone downstairs, was struggling with the flashbacks of memories she had struggled to push to the back of her mind. Everything seemed to be coming back, but she was fighting to be calm, to be okay, she was fighting back tears, she couldn’t cry, no, not again, she was way past that. And… the tears didn’t drop, she made sure of it. Clearly, the incident had awoken something that had died, or so she thought. To distract herself, she got a comic book from the shelf and fell asleep reading it. Clara woke up towards evening, feeling a bit more energetic. The first thing she did was to call the woman whose contact she collected earlier in the day. The woman, Mrs Cordelia, picked up after the third ring. Apparently, she was the only one left with the girl, and had taken the chance to get a nap when she saw that the girl had slept off.

Clara asked Mrs Cordelia about her welfare, and then went straight to ask about the girl, and Mrs Cordelia let her know that the girl slept off an hour before. What Clara wanted was details, so she asked about the entire events that had happened from the moment the girl was taken to the hospital and if any family member had called. Mrs Cordelia informed her that the doctor had put the girl on IV drip, after being tested for HIV and any other sexually transmitted disease. She had begun HIV Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP), emergency contraception, STI Prophylaxis treatment just in case. The girl had woken up sometime later looking around fearfully, and began to shiver uncontrollably, her entire body shaking with intensity. They had to call in the doctor who began to speak reassuring words, promising her that she was safe at the hospital and nothing would happen to her. He changed her drip, and asked that they don’t leave her alone.

Mrs Cordelia and the other woman approached slowly as the girl eyed them cautiously, as they reached out to touch her she flinched, but then she looked up at them and carefully brought out her hand so they could hold her. Together, they gently coaxed her and before long the girl began to feel drowsy and went to sleep, the other woman too stood up and said she had to handle some things, and that when she was back Mrs Cordelia could go home too. They had not been able to reach her family yet. Clara nodded at her end, listening to the details, then asked, “so you couldn’t get her name?” “She hasn’t talked since, not even a word. The doctor said she’s in shock and that she would go for therapy immediately after the clinical treatment.” Mrs Cordelia answered. She thanked the woman, asked that she send the bills to her so she could pay, Mrs Cordelia asked her not to worry that a good Samaritan had done that already. Clara thought to herself, “good Samaritan?”

Mrs Cordelia wasn’t willing to provide more details, so she had to back down, but still requested for her account details so she could send some money for necessities. “She’s waking up now, I need to go” was what Mrs Cordelia had responded, and hurriedly ended the call. She really worried for the girl and she was closely observing her for any changes, that’s why immediately the girl woke up, she cut the call. She didn’t hear Clara’s last statement. Clara looked at her phone for a moment, before tossing it aside, and burying her head in her palm. Everything was happening so fast, she hadn’t even had time to process everything. Thankfully, the staff could get some work done, even in their absence. It wasn’t the first time that Carla and Clara would not be coming to work, but that was when they had to travel or attend other engagements, never because one of them was unstable as Carla was now. She sighed again and looked up, telling herself to be strong for both of them.

She went downstairs to check on Carla, and found her sleeping with the book she was reading, so she picked up the book just as it was slipping through Carla’s hands, and placed it gently on the shelf. She went to the fridge to take some cookies, she didn’t really have an appetite but she knew she had to fill her belly so she wouldn’t break down too.

As she ate she began to recall the events of the previous day that had led up to this, what they had witnessed and Carla’s reaction. With a look of realization mixed with horror, she seemed to have pieced something together as she looked at the sleeping Carla wide-eyed. It can’t be, no it can’t, she whispered to herself. She was just being paranoid, yeah that had to be it, but was she really?

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HOW SOCIAL MEDIA CONTROLS OUR THOUGHTS AND MAKES DECISIONS FOR US

In 2016, I met my best friend for the first time. In 2016, I entered a new phase. 2016 was my best year – whether it’s true or not, let’s just follow the trend. According to social media posts, people are missing 2016, so let me join too and say something I miss about 2016. The person may not even remember anything about 2016 ooh. See how social media controls us? There’s still more.

I’ve just been seeing the 2016 throwback pictures trend on social media with people saying what 2016 was for them, and some using the tagline “2026 is the new 2016”.

I’m guessing that not all of us may agree with it, but we would go ahead and use it in our posts anyway because many people are using it. We agree online because people are already supporting it. Most times we don’t make decisions on our own. We think we do, but we don’t. Our decisions are not from us, they are from the majority.

You know how you wake up, and you have a list of things you want to do, or there are things you’ve decided not to do, and somewhere along the way, you see people talking about those things, doing those things, you will now join them? That’s how it is with social media. In fact, it’s even more with social media because people wey dey there, plenty.

Before you argue, close your eyes for a minute, and try to recall all the times you changed your mind to go with the “flow”, the times you shifted your schedule, your plans, the times you changed your mindset within seconds, so that you will not be odd. Make e no be like say you no follow.

We have those moments. Not many people really like to be odd, or not belong.

I think this way about something, I start talking with people, and all of them have another thought different from mine. At that point, what we do 99.9% of the time is to keep quiet about what we think, or even change our mind so all of us will “agree”.

I’m not saying that everytime you change your mind to agree with others it’s bad, no, sometimes we are wrong, and when we see or hear the right thing, we should take it. It’s part of learning.

What I’m talking about is something that you don’t like or are not comfortable with, or you’ve never thought of, and then you see people doing that thing or hear people talk about that thing – it then begins to get your attention.

A lot of times we don’t really look inside us to see if this thing is actually okay with you. Some of us now, if they ask you what you like, what you stand for, what you cannot do, even what you believe, we don’t know.

Let’s look at the throwback picture trend again; if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that the reason you posted your own pictures is because it’s trending, because many people are doing it, maybe because we saw famous people join. Not that you planned it. Not that it has been on your mind. That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

This is in line with what research says. Semra Gunduc in his research report explained that the way social media networks work means that many people reposting a trend can bring many others into agreement even if they weren’t thinking about it deeply at first.

Our opinions, our actions and even reactions to things, are shaped by social media. We go to social media for almost everything we need.

That’s also how many of us join discussions that we don’t know how it started. They are dragging someone online, we join without knowing the full story. Many people are supporting something, we join, and we don’t know what the thing is really about.

There is something that we normally do. Before we comment on any post, we look at the comment section to know what people are saying, we look at the number of reactions – likes, shares. By the time we are done, our original thought or opinion is gone.

We see something on social media, and we believe it, and start sharing. Because the person that posted it is shouting, “share this video”, you start sharing, most times without considering if that post or video is worth sharing. We don’t know how true it is, but for many of us, once it’s on social media, we take it.

Many times, people are just posting what they think and how they feel, not facts. You must not think and feel like them. We need to be able to weigh what we take from social media.

Taking everything you see there is a problem because we stop being ourselves. It’s a problem because we can go around spreading false information and they can be dangerous.

Results from PUBMED research shows that false information on health is high on social media. Smoking, drugs, and other health related issues have so much false information on Twitter, and on other social media. See what we’re talking about?

The first step is to be aware.

Now we know that this happens to us on social media, and we have accepted that it is true. We are conscious of it now.

The next step is to begin to protect ourselves.

Anytime a challenge on social media goes viral, pause and think about it first to be sure. Anytime somebody posts something, and there are likes, shares, comments that are in support, wait first, and ask questions. Who is this person? Are they trustworthy? What’s the full story? Don’t just join. Don’t just agree.

Before you tap share, before you like, before you use the information, ask yourself:Is this really my opinion, or is it just loud? Is this information correct? Is this the right person to give this kind of information?

I think it’s not too late to say happy new year

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GRATITUDE: A MEANS OF GETTING BLESSINGS FROM GOD?

We may not have realized it yet, but it’s seeping through to the surface. I have seen videos (skits), movies with the message of gratitude. The narrative being pushed? We all know it. ” When you come before GOD, instead of complaining and asking for things you’re still believing for, praise GOD, appreciate HIM and then HE will bless you”. It’s been sinking in, I myself too found myself caught up in it.

Let me tell you what this has done and is doing to us, it’s made us not truly worship. If we sincerely look deeper, we will realize that with each praise, each show of gratitude to our Maker, we are expecting something, double promotion, double miracle, name them, things probably more than what we even think. I mean, when you praise GOD HE stands up from HIS throne right? We force HIS hand to move, isn’t it? So when we try to praise, we hope to force HIM to do something for us.

Well, how about praising HIM and not getting anything? Have we thought of that? Maybe the thought has crept in, and we silenced it, binding and casting every “evil voice”

We really need to come to a place of genuine thanksgiving. Thanksgiving for life, for JESUS, for the blood that HE shed, for every good thing HE has given to you. The scripture tells us that every good and perfect thing is from the LORD, how about appreciating HIM for that? The Psalmist says, my soul forget not HIS benefits. When you begin to see just how good HE has been, you’ll find yourself bursting out I’m praise without thinking of your request.

Am I saying don’t make requests? No. 🙉 I’m saying we should not use our praise as a means of exchange, let our praise not be transactional. Yes, we may have been doing it subconsciously because of what our mind has been fed with (this is the power of media), but we’ve become conscious now, so let’s begin to refeed our minds. The scripture is the perfect tool to begin with.

Let’s praise with reckless abandon. Let’s praise not expecting anything in return. Let’s praise because HE is GOD and we reverence HIM. This is the true praise, one from the depths of our soul. Let’s make praise a lifestyle.

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IS MARRIAGE BEFORE SEX NO LONGER POSSIBLE?

Have we really gotten to the point where marriage without sex seems beyond reach? You can’t court without sex anymore?

They used to say, abi I’ve heard people say they were told that they must have sex before they get married, were shamed for keeping pure, read people’s experience or in books. I remember always thinking to myself that if they had godly, like-minded friends, they won’t hear such statements. Then I heard more, and I knew that sometimes these people are not really friends but they’re around you, like roommates, course mates, colleagues in the workplace.

Never in this life would I have thought that I’d hear something like that personally. It never occurred to me that I would hear this directly, that I would have a personal experience. No! But I realized something.

There are so many people who don’t believe that you can have a pure relationship before marriage.They don’t know or perhaps don’t want to agree that sex is not used to show love and commitment before marriage. Everything seems to revolve around sex in today’s world. Nobody is thinking about Christ, there are no christian values anymore. What is happening to us?

A premarital relationship built on sex is not a strong , healthy relationship. If there’s no money, and there’s no sex, the cracks begin to show, the relationship becomes rocky 🌊.

Relationships are built on values, principles, whether platonic or romantic. When everything is about sex, how do you plan for your home? How do you partner to bring great things to life? Isn’t it what marriage should be? Partnership, companionship, and companionship is not sex, no! Does sex take away loneliness? It can’t. Our minds have become twisted. Since we began to welcome sex before marriage, we’ve been having divorce cases that never seem to end, yet we’re not asking questions? Once something isn’t positively productive, shouldn’t we ask questions? Shouldn’t we shift? What’s going on?!

We think sex is what keeps a partner. When you eventually get married, you’ll find out that no matter how much sex you have with your spouse, it won’t stop them from cheating if they are already loose. When people get married and accuse their partners of cheating (which is one of the leading causes of divorce), check, they were probably having sex before tying the knot. This is just one issue, there are others. Issues like this can be spotted before marriage, but they’re having sex already, what’s the point?

Once sex comes into the equation, guess what happens, we lose our sense of reasoning. The important questions we should ask, we don’t ask. Red flags are ignored. Traits we should look out for, escape us. Then you enter the marriage, and you realize that you can’t deal, then you hop out to file for a divorce. And we keep going on like this. I’m not saying that people who kept themselves before marriage don’t divorce. Once you don’t choose right (through the help of the HOLY SPIRIT), one party or both parties don’t act right, divorce is usually looming over them.

However, we can’t deny the fact that is staring us in the eye. That welcoming sex before marriage has brought disasters to homes. What do we listen to? What do we watch? We don’t censor and we don’t filter anymore. Once we see it on our screens, it looks acceptable. Do we have to keep destroying ourselves?

Sex before marriage has never and can never be the right way. We can never have homes functioning optimally, born from sex before marriage. The word of GOD remains true. HEB 13:4