Hi, I’m Cynthia, a 24 year old final year student of psychology in University of Nigeria Nsukka (UNN). I guess that’s as much as I can say now. Growing up, my mantra has always been to trust everyone who was truly nice to me, and it always worked for me, I’m a student of psychology remember? Oh, that reminds me. Did I tell you why I wanted to study psychology? I didn’t, yeah. The thing is, I have always been a good judge of character, so studying psychology just seemed like the best choice for me. I thought to myself, “ I have the ability, so let’s go get the certificate”. It was a natural path for me. I come from a very liberal family where you’re free to do what you want, so there were no objections. Besides, I wasn’t going to get a certificate for a better life, it was just me chasing my passion, and life was really good. Daddy had a thriving company and mum was the vice chairman of the company. Me? I was the baby of the house with four older siblings that were doing well in different positions in Dad’s company. The only thing that bothered me was that I didn’t have a close friend and I wanted one so badly. You could say I was desperate.
Finally, in 100l, shortly after my matriculation, I got the friend that I had been longing for. She was studying computer science and she was my roommate. A short, dark, flat nosed beauty. Like literal black beauty, a stunner. That’s not why she became my friend though, and that’s not the best thing I love about her. I loved her cheerfulness, her playfulness, how she lights up every room she steps into. I loved how much of a giver she was. The best part? She understood me the most. No one else could do that, apart from my dad. So we began doing things together, we acted like siblings so much that neighbours started calling us twins. The only time we were never together was during lectures. Outside classes, we were never apart. Our first major argument was in first semester of 200l. More like a silent fight, cause we didn’t really argue.
One evening after class, I got back to the room only to see some of my clothes torn to shreds. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I was so shocked, that shock was immediately replaced by suspicion so I waited for Chioma to come back from her lectures. By 6:00pm, she walked in like someone that had no strength in her, she was obviously tired but me, clouded by my suspicions and a bit of anger didn’t care(so unlike me). I questioned her about what had happened to my clothes. As soon as I asked the question, she turned to my bed and looked shocked as well to see what had become of my clothes. She just stood there with her mouth agape, looking at the clothes and back at me. Is it that she didn’t see it before? Meanwhile I was getting impatient with her silence, was she afraid of admitting the truth? Was she truly innocent? But if not her, who else? No other person had access to the room. All these questions were running through my mind as I looked at her as she remained silent. So I stormed off because I really needed some air. I didn’t what to do something I’d regret, some part of me still trusted her and I needed to rack my brain for possible culprits. I walked back in around 9:00pm, she was sleeping when I got back. So I went to have my night bath and sleep.
The next morning, I woke up and began preparing for school, not even sparing her a glance. Finally I was ready to go for my lectures, and I stood up from my bed to leave. Just as I touched the door knob, she call my name, almost with a whisper. I turned to look at her, and she apologized to me. For what? I asked, she replied that she was sorry about my clothes and for not answering my question the previous day. She said she was too shocked to respond. She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn’t and me already feeling guilty for ignoring her feelings myself and throwing questions at her when she just returned from lectures, didn’t push further. I apologized for ignoring her feelings and her need for rest when she just came back from school, and she nodded her head. So we hugged, and I decided to wait for her to prepare so we could leave together as usual.
While leaving the room, I realized that Chioma didn’t say whether she knew about the torn clothes so I turned to her, and asked if she knew anything about the clothes. She said she didn’t, and that we needed to investigate to find out who must have broken into our room and how they were able to get access and what problem the person had with us. Then quietly, she said we should be careful of people coming close to us. Something about the way she said it, made all the hairs on my body stand up, but I really didn’t what anything to spoil the mood so I left it, but I resolved in my heart to do my private investigation without her knowing about it. I felt terrible for having that thought, but I had to get to the bottom of this myself since she didn’t seem like she would talk anytime soon. She seemed to be afraid of something or someone, I just couldn’t pinpoint.After lectures that day, I went to the back of the class to call my father’s personal investigator- Mr. Uchenna. His alias was “Daring”, because he was always doing daring things; things that others were scared to do. I told him about the situation, about my suspicions, and asked if he could help me without alerting my dad. He tried to argue that my dad needed to know but I was not about to make my dad worry about me, or withdraw me from the school. I was itching to know who this person was and I couldn’t rest easy without knowing who did it. He listened, he understood, and promised to send some people to school to investigate and watch my back as undercover agents. I was somewhat relieved, at least someone’s got my back. Before cutting the call, he told me that I could also investigate in my own way. He reminded me that I’m a student of psychology, now that made me smile. I had almost forgotten. I also had work to do. It affected me directly after all.
As soon as I got off the call, I entered into full detective mode. I scanned my course mates for anything suspicious, there was none so I started leaving the class when I sighted someone from the far end of the class opposite mine, looking at me with very focused eyes. Our eyes met, and I began to wonder if he overheard my discussion on the phone, but I quickly shook my head, that couldn’t have happened. If someone had come close when I was on the phone, there’s no way I wouldn’t sense it. I was very alert during the call. Besides he looked like he had been on that spot for sometime so it was impossible that he overheard my phone call. I stood there wondering whether to accost the guy or just keep walking ahead. I decided to do the latter. If he didn’t come to me, I wouldn’t bother talking to him but I knew I had to be careful with my actions and movements. The way he looked at me gave me goosebumps, so I really wanted to leave there. I was going to have him investigated as well. That was sure.
As I got closer to my room, I began to hear unclear voices, so I slowed down and began to walk more quietly. I heard my best friend being threatened with her life, whilst she was sobbing. I suddenly heard the click of the door and hid in a corner. I wasn’t about to expose myself like that, when I didn’t even understand what was going on. From the corner, I saw about 3 guys and a lady looking like gangsters, step out of the room. I tried to see their faces clearly but where I hid made it impossible, so I gave up. I took note though, of the male voice that promised to come back if they didn’t get the results they were expecting. I stayed put, and came out when I was sure they had gone. I took in deep breaths to calm myself down and to also be able to pretend like I didn’t hear or see anything. When I was sure I was ready to act, I knocked on the door. When Chioma opened the door, I saw that she had also put on an act like me, only that the way her hand kept shaking, plus the way she avoided my eyes, betrayed her act. So I held her hand and sat her down. She sat down still looking down, I didn’t make her look at me, I just kept watching her to know what her next action would be. A few seconds later, she raised up her head and shocked me to the core with her next words.“Cynthia, date Maxwell please”.
Nothing prepared me for those words. They sounded strange. I mean we had never had any discussion about guys, I had never told her I had a crush and she never told me same either, I never even spoke about someone asking me out, so where exactly did that statement come from? We both had no time for romantic relationships, our discussion was always centered around our academics or happenings across the globe. We had shared interests, it was one of the reasons we clicked. So what exactly was going on? Then I remembered the threat, and the guys and the girls that left my room, I pieced two and two together and realized with wide eyes that this must have been what they were threatening my best friend about. So I asked her, who told her to ask me to date Maxwell, she went silent, began to shed tears, then knelt down and apologized to me over and over. The whole thing was just not making sense. So I stood up, went to freshen up, ate the leftover jollof rice I had prepared, and went to my phone, hoping to distract myself.
But I found myself thinking, trying to figure out the whole thing, questioning who Maxwell was, the name sounded familiar, but for some reason I just couldn’t figure out who he was. Then the image of the boy looking at me while I was leaving the class flashed in my mind. Could that be the Maxwell? I wondered. So I brought out my phone and texted the name to ‘Daring’, so that his agents could investigate as well. In that moment, Chioma spoke to me about Maxwell again, sounding really desperate, and this time around, I forced her to spill. She was going to tell me why I should be his girlfriend or forget about our friendship. She kept mute for what seemed like ages, kept twisting her sweaty palms, before she looked at me and began hesitantly. I’m sorry Cynthia, she started. “Maxwell has a gang of six. The day they approached me first, was the day I found out. He came together with them, and told me that they had noticed our friendship and that I was the only one that could help him out. So I asked him why I needed to help him out, and why he couldn’t come to you himself, that was when he told me that he had a crush on you since matric, and he had tried to approach you but you shut him down. So he wanted me to convince you to be his girlfriend. Of course, I refused, told him that it’s not possible and walked out on them. I didn’t meet them again so I thought they understood. But two weeks later, I was coming to see you, when they came again, and cornered me by the wall close to your faculty building. They told me that they were watching me, that they knew our room, and places we liked to visit in the school. One of them, told me that if I wanted to live in peace, I should just fulfil their request and make sure nobody knows. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, I didn’t know how. So I was always stalling and trying to avoid them. I guess I couldn’t run from them. They were the ones that broke into this place and tore your dresses. They thought the dresses belonged to me(she wore them for one week straight one time in 100l second semester). Just before you came in, they were here, apart from Maxwell. No, actually they dragged me from my class after lectures, asked if I had told you, and I replied that I couldn’t, they asked why, and I told them it’s because you have principles and you don’t break them for anyone. They told me they would kill me if I don’t tell you before the end of today. I’m really sorry.”
After hearing her say all these, I sat there motionless, trying to process everything I had just heard. Then like someone possessed, I shouted, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ALL THESE WHEN IT STARTED? WHY DID I HAVE TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS? IS OUR FRIENDSHIP A JOKE? I’VE ALWAYS TRUSTED YOU, WHAT, YOU DON’T TRUST ME?”She sat there crying without answering, but I needed answers. So I asked again, as calm as I could, if she didn’t trust me. She slowly shook her head, and said no. I just burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe my ears. My supposed best friend didn’t trust me. So I told her pointedly, she shouldn’t be my friend if she didn’t trust me, and she replied that the issue was not from me, it was her that could not let go of past experiences. She loved me as her friend but she didn’t know how to trust me, so in her own words, she tried to protect me in her own way.I took about 7 days to process the whole thing. I don’t know what hurts more than knowing that the one person you trust, doesn’t trust you as much or doesn’t trust you at all. Honestly, we were never the same after that revelation.
I understand that all her life, she’s had to live with betrayal so she couldn’t trust anyone. But she should have told me from the start. I shouldn’t have to deal with this. I prided myself in being a psychologist, yet I couldn’t even decipher that the person close to me didn’t trust me. I guess emotions can really blind you. She said she tried to protect me, because she thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it, if she had told me about it. And she’s supposed to be my friend? How can I not handle it? And how was she so sure that there was no other way? I had so much questions, but in the end I just called it quits. Of course I informed ‘Daring’, my father’s investigator about the whole thing, he got information on Maxwell and his gang, had them expelled from school and apprehended.I told Chioma towards the end of the semester, that the friendship would no longer continue. We could be roommates, but nothing more. What I didn’t tell her was that I would be transferring to another university. That’s how I landed in UNN from Peters University.
I just needed space, maybe I overreacted but I couldn’t be there anymore. I got tired of looking for friends, and decided to live with the understanding that I may never have friends. Now, I’m focused on me.