THE PAST I WANT TO FORGET

Episode 2

Once they were done, Carla, whose heart was really beating fast, hurried to pack the plates and head straight for her room. She planned to lock herself inside. As she ate, she imagined herself doing that, and it had been done flawlessly in her head, but in reality, Clara was not going to let her off the hook easily, so before she could leave, Clara said, “what happened yesterday? What was all that?” With a raised voice, she told Carla, “Start talking, NOW”.

The dreaded moment had come for Carla, she desperately wanted to run away, she was becoming very anxious, and before long, she was on the floor holding her chest in pain, struggling to breathe, an alarmed Clara rushed to her side, placing her on her laps, and using her free hand to call their personal doctor, Dr. Carlos to come over to the house. Now, Clara was beginning to feel guilty, fearing that she might have triggered another bout of attack when Carla seemed just fine already, so she held everything in, waiting for the doctor’s arrival. She kept calling the doctor at very short intervals, questioning why it was taking long, almost yelling on the phone. It wasn’t that long, just that to Clara it seemed like forever. She was really having a hard time getting Carla back to normal.

Carla seemed to be getting worse with each passing minute; the pain seemed to be more intense, her heart still beating really fast, even her breathing felt like she had just finished a race, she kept producing so much sweat and Clara was becoming frantic, she had been trying to get Carla to calm down, but she herself wasn’t even calm so how could she calm someone else? She was scared and confused, feeling a whirlwind of mixed emotions. She hadn’t slept well last night, hadn’t eaten well this morning, and now this. Finally, the doctor came in. One look at Clara, and he could tell from Clara’s face that she was exhausted. He instructed her to lie on the couch as he took Carla away from her, calming her down himself before examining her.

Clara laid down there, watching really closely and answering Dr. Carlos questions about the first time it happened, and what must have triggered it. Minutes later, the doctor was done checking Carla, he told Clara that what happened to her friend was a panic attack, and it had nothing to do with any physical ailment, adding though, that Carla be given space and allowed to rest. He packed his things to leave, promising to come back the next day with a clinical psychologist who was his colleague at the hospital. Clara just nodded. Since Carla needed space, Clara silently got up, took the plates that had been left on the dining table, and washed them. Still, before leaving, she asked Carla if she needed help with anything, after confirming that there was nothing, she headed upstairs to sleep. She really needed that sleep, and no matter what, she had to make herself sleep.

Pushing the thoughts of Carla and every other thing out, she closed her eyes.Carla, alone downstairs, was struggling with the flashbacks of memories she had struggled to push to the back of her mind. Everything seemed to be coming back, but she was fighting to be calm, to be okay, she was fighting back tears, she couldn’t cry, no, not again, she was way past that. And… the tears didn’t drop, she made sure of it. Clearly, the incident had awoken something that had died, or so she thought. To distract herself, she got a comic book from the shelf and fell asleep reading it. Clara woke up towards evening, feeling a bit more energetic. The first thing she did was to call the woman whose contact she collected earlier in the day. The woman, Mrs Cordelia, picked up after the third ring. Apparently, she was the only one left with the girl, and had taken the chance to get a nap when she saw that the girl had slept off.

Clara asked Mrs Cordelia about her welfare, and then went straight to ask about the girl, and Mrs Cordelia let her know that the girl slept off an hour before. What Clara wanted was details, so she asked about the entire events that had happened from the moment the girl was taken to the hospital and if any family member had called. Mrs Cordelia informed her that the doctor had put the girl on IV drip, after being tested for HIV and any other sexually transmitted disease. She had begun HIV Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP), emergency contraception, STI Prophylaxis treatment just in case. The girl had woken up sometime later looking around fearfully, and began to shiver uncontrollably, her entire body shaking with intensity. They had to call in the doctor who began to speak reassuring words, promising her that she was safe at the hospital and nothing would happen to her. He changed her drip, and asked that they don’t leave her alone.

Mrs Cordelia and the other woman approached slowly as the girl eyed them cautiously, as they reached out to touch her she flinched, but then she looked up at them and carefully brought out her hand so they could hold her. Together, they gently coaxed her and before long the girl began to feel drowsy and went to sleep, the other woman too stood up and said she had to handle some things, and that when she was back Mrs Cordelia could go home too. They had not been able to reach her family yet. Clara nodded at her end, listening to the details, then asked, “so you couldn’t get her name?” “She hasn’t talked since, not even a word. The doctor said she’s in shock and that she would go for therapy immediately after the clinical treatment.” Mrs Cordelia answered. She thanked the woman, asked that she send the bills to her so she could pay, Mrs Cordelia asked her not to worry that a good Samaritan had done that already. Clara thought to herself, “good Samaritan?”

Mrs Cordelia wasn’t willing to provide more details, so she had to back down, but still requested for her account details so she could send some money for necessities. “She’s waking up now, I need to go” was what Mrs Cordelia had responded, and hurriedly ended the call. She really worried for the girl and she was closely observing her for any changes, that’s why immediately the girl woke up, she cut the call. She didn’t hear Clara’s last statement. Clara looked at her phone for a moment, before tossing it aside, and burying her head in her palm. Everything was happening so fast, she hadn’t even had time to process everything. Thankfully, the staff could get some work done, even in their absence. It wasn’t the first time that Carla and Clara would not be coming to work, but that was when they had to travel or attend other engagements, never because one of them was unstable as Carla was now. She sighed again and looked up, telling herself to be strong for both of them.

She went downstairs to check on Carla, and found her sleeping with the book she was reading, so she picked up the book just as it was slipping through Carla’s hands, and placed it gently on the shelf. She went to the fridge to take some cookies, she didn’t really have an appetite but she knew she had to fill her belly so she wouldn’t break down too.

As she ate she began to recall the events of the previous day that had led up to this, what they had witnessed and Carla’s reaction. With a look of realization mixed with horror, she seemed to have pieced something together as she looked at the sleeping Carla wide-eyed. It can’t be, no it can’t, she whispered to herself. She was just being paranoid, yeah that had to be it, but was she really?

LET THE LOVE OF GOD SHINE IN OUR HEARTS

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. This scripture tells us that everything that we see, everything we act out is a product of the state of the heart. As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. This is another scripture buttressing the above statement.

So letting the love of GOD shine in our hearts means filling up our entire being with HIS love. When HIS love shines in our hearts, it shows in our day-to-day activities, in our daily interactions with others, HIS love shines through us to others.

How do we let HIS love shine through us? By spending time with HIM. How do we spend time with HIM? By daily reading the scriptures, meditating on them, praying to the FATHER in JESUS name. It sounds simple but we don’t do it. There’s so much hate in this present world, we can see 2 Timothy 3:1 manifesting and we can’t afford to be caught up with it even as christians. We need to show what true love is, not only in speech or words, but in deeds, in our actions. However, we can’t give what we don’t have. If we don’t have GOD’s love, we cannot give it, and that’s why we need to let HIS love be spread abroad in our hearts.

GOD is love, and to love we must know HIM, and knowing HIM is having intimate relationship with HIM. There’s no other way to build this relationship except through consistent study of the word (scriptures/bible) and prayer. You can never do too much of these. These times are wicked times, they are evil times. Times where christians need to be more visible than ever, and our visibility is shown through our love. We evangelize in love and with love(in love because that’s the sole reason for evangelism, we want to bring souls back to the FATHER, with love that when we are talking, they feel the love from our words, our hearts reach out to them in our speech). We see people in depression, in diverse states that is not normal, needing financial help, emotional support, help in whatever form, we give it to them in love. For GOD so loved the world that HE *gave* HIS only begotten son, that whosoever believes in HIM should not perish but have everlasting life. The message of CHRIST is summed up in love, right? It’s evident. CHRIST came because of the love of GOD. So we inevitably have to love, and we can’t love properly if it’s not the love of GOD shining in our hearts.

The love of GOD constrains us from saying certain things that can be hurtful, from doing things that are selfish, things that would not go well for the other person, from looking the other way at someone who needs help. It doesn’t matter what I say, if GOD’S love is not there, it won’t make meaning. HIS love in us makes it easy to love others. The commandments was summed up into two by our LORD JESUS CHRIST; Love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. See? It starts with loving GOD. Of course as a child of GOD, you will love yourself and love your neighbour as much as you love yourself. Our love for HIM grows as we fellowship with HIM(GOD).

If you have not received CHRIST as your LORD, it’s not too late to do that now. Close your eyes, speak to HIM to come and take full charge of your life, to help you love as HE has loved you. Remember, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out. Let’s talk in the comment section. The LORD help us to love. Shalom.